Undo ex refund and move on


DEAR MISS SOLITARY HEARTS: I broke up with my girlfriend because she was always in a money crisis. About once a month she would ask me for more money. She spoke the same words: “Can I get a little help from you, please, honey?” It would be $100 for his phone bill or $50 for groceries or $200 to help pay the rent. It was always a strangely round number – and she never showed me proof of an amount owed.

Finally, I had enough. I showed her the account I had kept with exact dates, how much she owed me. She never refunded me a penny and I was always too shy to ask. I told him it was over.

She called back yesterday, using the whiny little girl voice that always came before asking for more money. I interrupted her and told her how much she already owed me, to the nearest penny.

She said, “I didn’t know that helping me out was a loan and you were keeping score!” I never signed anything, and you never asked me to. Anyway, you make a lot more money than me! Does she owe me or not?

Big loser, downtown

Dear big time Losing: If there was no agreement in place for the return of this money, it would not be worth pursuing her legally. Interestingly, she knows that she never used the word “loan” and never signed anything (like an IOU). She never showed you the bills she owed either. This woman clearly knew what she was doing, and you were funding it.

Do you want to be free from her now? Forget the money and forget her.

Think of this money as the cost of learning this lesson. Next time, find a woman who has a job that pays decently, who is independent, and who would be embarrassed to hit someone for money like that.

dear Miss lonely hearts: I just got out of an eight year relationship that had a good 6.5 years. My husband started cheating a year ago, and I found someone and reciprocated. I made sure he found out. Even though I evened the score, we didn’t part as friends.

I calmed down and realized that I had lost a friend with many common interests, especially sports, restaurants, and country music.

How do I get him to forgive me, and we just cancel our sins of infidelity so we can at least be friends? He says, “No woman has ever cheated on me before and got away with it!”

Wanting My Friend Back, Southern Manitoba

Dear Want to: You put more cards on the table than you thought by saying “at least” be friends. You may have a hidden agenda – start as friends and push it into a full relationship. He says “no way”, and it’s time you believed it. Plus, if he’s cheated before, he’ll probably cheat again, especially if he’s still mad at you.

dear Miss lonely hearts: My girlfriend was in a bad mood and started criticizing her body. I was silent for a moment, then she asked me if I thought her calves were too big. I said, “They’re not big. They just have a lot of muscle, like mine. I play football and hockey and have strong legs that I’m pretty proud of.

She exploded saying “You think I have unwomanly legs!” In fact, yes, but I would never tell him that. What can we say about his legs now? I should have thought of that before.

Spoke too soon, Brandon

Dear Spoke too Soon: You better not mention her curvy legs for quite a while, or you’ll just sink deeper. You might comment on another woman’s “skinny legs.” It’s a roundabout way of telling your girlfriend that you like athletic legs – but good luck with that phrase too!

Please send questions and comments to [email protected] or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o The Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Consulting Columnist

Every year the Free press publishes over 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her answers to life and relationship questions that come her way.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Consulting Columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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